haha kay i realised i have been blogging a lot these days. wahh sian no lifeeeee!~ aha! hmm, kay anw, today was quite interesting. AND! i screwed math test ttm -.- i seriously will fail. i mean it this time too. it felt even worse than chem and physics. so means i will fail even more badly. i comfirm only get like 4-10 marks. OVER 40! ta ma de! diee already.. i am going to make king zong damn sad and disappointed with me D; haii he already like dont know how to teach me already. and i dare not ask him those stupid questions.. even though they are real stupid questions, but i still dont know. crap.

and today i saw how different my attitude is from the chua. esp during lang arts and math. chem also. she getting pro-er than yjq! OMGOSH!!!!!! arghh. i am still the same! haii maybe got more pro a bit la! :D haha! kay nvm, and lang arts speech i was still laughing so damn loudly at those ppl presenting when their speech turn into a joke!!!! HAHA! but the chua was totally sitting there with the "i am going to dieeeee..." face! O: LOL haha. actually i was also very scared but i dont know why i listen listen then will forget that i will have to present later too... wahh fail sia haha AND! math. i totally dont know much shit. but i just wasn't as despo to go faster chiong last minute mugging. so in the end screw up the paper. dieeee. haii.

kay, today ncc. was quite hmm dont know how to describe. but ali said this damn sad sentence which make me cry. actually not la. i already going to cry then i keep trying to force the tears back. then ali said the sentence and she burst into tears then i saw the constipated face on weely. can tell that she was trying to ren too. then all of a sudden, i just cry. idk why. i think is cos someone said that we only got like less than 15 acts as a cadet.. then like why aren't all of us putting their best effort yet/ then i just dk why got the very sad and dk la, like something real big bothering me. then it just makes me cry. i know i haven't wasted all these years in ncc. but idk if i really did make full use of all the time and put in my best effort in Everything. then i tried real hard not to cry at first cos i know when 1 person start, many will follow. but in the end i still failed. then i tried to hide behind when cos i dont want the whole platoon to start crying. but in the end i think geraldine and shu ying cry also...
then when we sat down jamie ask me why i cried. good qn. i was asking myself too. no offence but i feel like asking her back why didn't you feel like crying at all... dont you feel anything when you know we are only left with like 15acts as a cadet?!!!! 15 isn't a lot man. c'mon i bet the next time you realised it would probably be 3 acts left... idk. i really LOVE being a cadet though sometimes its quite tough. i knew i will going to regret not putting my best in Everything when i was a cadet after we become specs. i dont really want my ncc cadet life to end so quickly! i already damn regret about the last march camp as a cadet. i totally screwed it. i was super angry with myself.

all the tears that i have given to NCC. i hope they are not wasted. maybe it had made me stronger? i hope so.

i realised all my life the most i cry is for NCC. part A i cant really rmb. partB i cried for march camp. and i rmb once i dropped my beret when marching. then the whole platoon have to pump 50 with me! i think most would probably can t rmb that. but thats the greatest thing i am shameful about in my whole ncc life.. i will nv forget it. i rmb it was after a rain. we were in no4. we pump on the ground outside comp lab in the old rv campus. thats when i cried too. but silently cos i know it was my own fault/mistake. next still got fsd.. but it was cos too happy, when we won! and not forgetting.. orienteering. the one i felt most sad about. i felt like dying. cos it came with all the eoy results too last year. so i cried real hard that time. and also when the previous batch of specs stepped down, i rmb how hard the specs were trying to not cry in front of us. i can clearly rmb the look they had on their faces! and i cried too. i think there is more but
i would better stop. hmm. now that i think about it, i really cried a lot. omg, i am such a crybaby! -.- wth. i didn't know i was so weak. i will have to be stronger! for the remaining acts, Weini, you must not let yourself down! i can do it! i must do it!

i think my passion for NCC is back!!! YES, you just know when the feeling comes back. the down feeling when i know that there is no act this friday cos of hols.. i LOVE THIS FEELING>> THE "I MISSSSSSSS ACT FEELING" I LOVE NCC :D




happy
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happy.
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